For as long as I could reflect on my life, my mind has constantly lingered around the concept of balance. It stood out to my young self primarily because it conveniently stripped me of the pressure and urgency necessary to make important decisions, as I could simply reside in the middle—in a state of pure comfort. It was merely an action that knew no bounds, like an equivocal promise. Neatly sandwiched between what I perceived to be strict notions of black and white, I basked in the gray, paying no heed to demands from the mind and the soul. 

However, I learned over time that sleeping at the crossroads of life and tuning out the noise will not stop cars from running you over. By doing so, I risked an encounter with oblivion, which I realized I feared more than death. I discovered that being a passive delegator not only emerged as an inconvenience for others but also provoked unnecessary retrogrades in myself. Moving backward instead of forward is not ideal, for obvious reasons. Thus, I grabbed a pencil and an eraser and made incremental changes to my mental definition of balance. 

Balance does not necessarily have to be a product of fear; it can also be the antithesis. That is essentially the beauty of it—the fact that it can bounce from one construct to another. But, oscillating rapidly still indicates a sense of agitation, especially one tied to survival mode. Bouncing between two opposing realms suggests the same level of indecision and avoidance as the pre-incremental definition, adding an element of uncertainty. That’s when I realized that the structure and intention I was looking for in balance, were instead present in the term “poise.” Poise is a more defined and elevated version of balance because it alludes to control and provides me with the self-assuredness that balance otherwise cannot. 

Many assert that you cannot exist on a middle ground and exude confidence simultaneously, but these people misunderstand what it truly means. Existing on the middle ground does not imply disengaging from two options. It is not always equivalent to avoidance of two extremes; it can also be an incorporation of two extremes into one’s life in gradual phases, depending on which option life calls for. For instance, in interpersonal relationships, me setting boundaries does not take away from the fact that I am empathetic, nor does being in tune with others’ needs indicate that I am a pushover. Similarly, being interested in the arts does not denote that I am automatically inept at STEM-related work. These conventions can sometimes ring true, but they do not always do so. The world has falsely convinced me to aim for polarization and disregard other substrates of my identity. However, I am not here to color inside the lines of anyone’s minuscule illustration. 

This is how I discovered what to make of a life that only sometimes neatly fits into pre-designed boxes of cause, action, and effect. Whether it be an interdisciplinary career, an Indian-American identity, an ambivert personality, or emotional-rational thinking, I have always found myself in liminal spaces that make me feel less than others. However, over time, I’ve learned to embrace these qualities and view them as useful resources to jumpstart various aspects of my life. When life ostracizes me now, I simply laugh, cry, and devise a poised plan to realign my priorities or make my far-fetched-sounding dreams a reality. I truly believe I can partake in many activities at once. Upon reading this, I hope you also sprinkle some poise to spice up your life and make any personal improvements you deem fit.