Like many passed down heirlooms, projection emerges as a generational force of insecurity—not one to be reckoned with but confronted and dealt with. It usually follows a projectile motion, as it leaps out of the human body and moves freely onto whatever lies in its proximity— like popped champagne that sprays everywhere. I’m dissecting it to understand precisely what the title states: why it occurs, how it affects us, and what to do about it.

The questions underlying it all are: how often do we call out traits in others that we secretly possess ourselves? How often have we noticed a person bully someone repeatedly for their physical appearance, smarts, and personality, while that individual is internally insecure? 

Projection involves attributing one’s secretly perceived negative characteristics to another person. At least, that’s what I learned in all of my Psychology classes throughout college. Coined by Sigmund Freud, it is one of the defense mechanisms used to protect the ego. He also suggested that the ego is a substratum of three other facets of the self— the id, the superego, and the ego, which can provide insight into whether or not one is prone to project. Freud’s theories are, however, outdated, as current research states that projection is not a mere defense mechanism, but a consequence of suppressing thoughts. I see both occurring, depending on the circumstance and the individual. However, I agree with the latter more, because I don’t think there’s always a specific emotional trigger that prompts one to defend themselves and project. 

The id refers to the innermost, not-always-socially-acceptable aspects of our identity, which urge us to act on primal desires without considering others. The superego is an inhibiting tool that acts as our moral compass, reminding us of the world beyond ourselves. The ego is a mediating decision-maker that caters to the demands of the superego and id, helping us find an individual seat in a room full of billions. 

However, life circumstances can often render the ego fragile, causing trauma and distress that many people do not wish to address. The trauma is hardly fair but the impactful nature of it can lead people to think that they’ve been uniquely attacked and cornered in a room. This can result in a thought process that deems one the emperor of such a room, prompting them to believe their inner world is displayed on national television. This often begins in adolescence with increased self-consciousness, but can sometimes carry onto other phases of life. The irony is that millions of people exist in that room with the same wounds, presenting themselves similarly.

Let’s be real—no one is properly equipped to deal with the horrific curveballs that life throws at us, but the brain’s neuroplasticity makes growth possible over time. When an individual puts more effort into avoiding these unpleasant issues than facing them head-on, an imbalance in the triad occurs. This can manifest in many forms, such as a weak id and overactive superego, overactive ago and weak superego, and other combinations. I want to focus on the overactive ego because it was initially deemed the culprit behind defense mechanisms such as projection. 

An inflated ego feels internally overwhelming since it leaves no room for negative characteristics and desperately latches onto the positives for reassurance. It encourages self-assuredness in one’s decisions even when wholly wrong, because the possibility of flawedness feels so debilitating. To be secure is to know that you can exist authentically with your strengths and weaknesses and still be loved and respected. However, a poor perception of one’s sense of self or lack thereof can bring about a lack of safety that screams, “You will never be respected unless you possess power and self-confidence.” Thus, a desire to perform for the outside world trumps the intrinsic desire to develop said qualities. 

This also stems from black-and-white thinking, where one cannot see a vast spectrum of sentiments, and instead views everything as inherently good or bad. People then view minor failures as a catastrophic blow to their self-image and worth and see external validation as a quintessential source of happiness. Generally, seeing the world in “twos” is never good, because there are many nuanced situations that do not fit into either side of the spectrum. 

But, can you blame people for such polarized thinking?

There is a clear dichotomy between our exterior—what we present to the world, and the internal—what truly lies underneath. While most situations cannot be quantified as a simple antithesis of two sentiments, this duality, however, makes perfect sense. Living life is about navigating two distinct worlds—one inside of us and one outside of us. It is simply not possible to create a fully harmonious connection between the two, because our inner mind will inevitably have thoughts and feelings that are not in congruence with society’s rules. We need to filter parts of ourselves out. Projection is the breaking point that occurs when we desperately try to contain burdening, overflowing thoughts that need to be let out.

Although the antecedent to projection is a sad one, it doesn’t mean we need to hold large amounts of space for people who regularly aim such behavior toward others. No one enjoys being an emotional punching bag and receiving a “you’re dumb” from a person who secretly feels dumb. To the person doing the projecting, it feels like a massive power level-up from struggle to increase. After taking personal unwanted characteristics and displacing them onto others, they obtain this false sense of relief—that they are somehow ridding themselves of those traits. 

On the other hand, the person on the receiving end is left feeling insecure and humiliated, especially if they are not well-versed in pinpointing such behaviors. This can also amplify existing insecurities in some people, making them feel a debilitating drop in their self-worth. Sometimes, it only takes a few repeating words to fully derail someone off a path or goal that was meant for them. 

I see this in families all the time, where an older figure sometimes masks their shame and insecurity by throwing their emotional baggage on others. They seem to be well-respected by others, only because they’ve controlled the group dynamic and successfully convinced everyone that they are strong-willed, powerful individuals. Alas, things that come at the expense of others are never fruitful long-term. Especially a sense of self. Even if such people are never properly held accountable, they are still punished through the conscious or subconscious resentment that others hold toward them for their actions. They face the displeasure of never receiving pure, untarnished love from others, thus getting what they put out. Any obtained love will always come from a place of fear, not authenticity. This cycle continues until someone decides to break it.

The bottom line is, people are affected by negative words and actions. Some people pretend that they are above it, while others accept it. I do think there is immense strength in acceptance, awareness, and humility. If you’re being chased by a leopard in the jungle, the leopard will not cease to exist if you simply close your eyes. You’ll just become blind to it, thus becoming an easier target. Similarly, our pain and flaws will always demand to be felt and addressed. Avoidance is not the act of control most people see it to be, because it creates a lack of self-awareness that will decrease one’s emotional intelligence and bleed onto others. In extreme cases, this avoidance can spur a regression that causes people to remain perpetually stuck at the age they were hurt, thus never evolving. 

What’s more infuriating than a cruel person is a cruel person who doesn’t know they're cruel and pretends otherwise. In this case, the understanding that being the victim in one setting does not make one a global victim is important. The failure to comprehend this is what causes bullies to validate their poor projections—in their homes, workplaces, or other areas. 

It’s a masked cognitive dissonance telling them their lives have bogged them down heavily, so it’s acceptable to hurt others. It weaponizes their life circumstances as a frame of reference for behavior, which leads to a distorted perception of reality, absolving them of accountability and awareness of the damage they caused. This is another prime example of a large ego manifesting itself because how these people show up reflects aggression and an alarming lack of empathy for others. 

So, how does one heal from the need to project or the emotional damage after being projected on? Introspection, openness, and emotional attunement. Self-introspection is often fruitless if one’s awareness of the world is strictly limited to their upbringing and observations. But, constantly introspecting and being open can also lead a person toward an intellectual dead-end, where they don't feel the feelings and never move on. This is why all three are crucial to grow beyond projection. 

After all, it is a matter of defending and suppressing the self. Discernment is necessary because the self does not always need defending. Most people who are cruel to others have a projection system that is not only external but also internal, as it falsely assumes that everyone’s existence is a threat to their identity. However, you cannot berate people based on some distant hunch that they are “out to get you.” Your hunch could be what I’ve spent paragraphs discussing until now: a projection. 

It’s interesting how defense mechanisms are no longer gatekept to the field of psychology. They’ve made their way into the mainstream world, where people have co-opted therapy-speak, or the use of prescriptive psychology terms, calling out projections, gaslighting, and whatnot.

Yet, people don’t learn. They continue projecting, even knowing that their actions are so cause-and-effect describable that they can be read in a textbook. However, at the end of the day, regardless of whether we project or are the victim of projecting, we hold the responsibility to heal ourselves from the pain that others have brought us.

We owe it to ourselves to see our poor treatment as a catalyst for growth, instead of as something our lives begrudgingly provided to keep us stuck forever. We must free ourselves from the shackles of a fixed, egocentric mindset that impels us to place unwanted baggage on others.